First test roll x stream of consciousness

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I took these photos the day Parker and I went on an expedition to find some large sticks to use for our arbour.

‘’The wedding’s 4 months away and I’m concerned you’re not prioritising these sticks!’’ they’d said, joking but frazzled. ‘’You’re right, I literally haven’t thought about them once, my priorities are all about the catering’’ I replied.

I’m not very good at keeping thoughts in my head for long. Unless they’re needless anxieties about things beyond my control, of course.

Ten steps through the long, dewy grass and my sneakers were soaked through, an uncomfortable squelch, itchy feet.

I glimpsed a leech on one of my laces and screamed the same way I did when I was 8, running under the lawn sprinklers looking for Easter eggs and bleeding from between my toes after my stepdad poured salt on my bites.

We drove home so I could change my shoes, we tried again, tires spinning over rough gravel and red mud.

Stopped at a clearing halfway up the mountain, we used neon pink rope to tie together the sticks we thought would be best, strategising a way to haul them back down the mountain without scratching my dad’s four-wheel drive. Somewhere through this process, our anxieties and discomforts dissipated and the whole thing became hilarious.

It turned out our florists had perfect sticks all along.

I feel that buying this new film camera has happened at the perfect time. I’ve been trying so hard to find a way to tie my art practice together through an organic, fateful medium and after years of trying and failing to find the perfect film camera I’d nearly given up. But thanks to Instagram and my questionable impulse control, this wonderful piece of equipment wound up in my post box. I had so many of the usual self-conscious reservations about picking up a new craft; film photography is so in, everyone’s been doing it for so much longer than I have, what if I’m shit, basically? And actually, if my grief and depression of the past while has taught me anything it’s that death and eternal oblivion are screeching around the corner and getting closer every day. So no, my art probably won’t change the world at all but it will change the small corner that I live in and that is more than enough for now.

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